just a post

September 30th, 2005
Much unhappiness has come into this world because of things left unsaid…
so much for that..actually, what i really want to ask is that, "why do people hide what they really feel inside?" diba, it is easier to just tell someone how you really feel for them even if it will hurt them? at least it is the truth!!! hahaha!! what am i talking about?!
basta, i am the kind of person mngud who speaks frankly..a little bit insensitive you may say..but then, dli mngud ko makatulog if something is still bothering me, mao na i always end the day without a wasted feeling!! ka-g mu? hehehe..imagine, sometimes my friends tell me that naka-hurt daw ko ug feelings sa usa ka person because of something that i said to him…and me? i just ask "talaga?" mao na sometimes they often see me as someone who is so tactless..immature..and insensitive!!! i just laugh at them, because i am pretty sure that it isn’t true!!! i just really say what’s on my mind..it is never wrong db?
because of things left unsaid, dghn sa life ang wala’y klaro!!! as in..dghn ang nihilak..dghn ang na-wasted!!! feelings and opputunities were lost…those who love each other were forced to part their ways…and friends became enemies…bsta oi!!!!
i guess, in short..never hesitate to be honest to someone….
especially to those you really love…
cause, we don’t know..it might be the last time you’ll ever have the chance to tell them how you really feel…the last time you’ll ever express to them the truth..

_it’s been quite a while_

September 26th, 2005
-what the hell am i doing?-
aha…i didn’t have enough time to update my blog in the last couple of days…i was so busy….i went to Bogo to make my project in history…and i was so tired…we had our kadangyan night this afternoon…and i have a take home exam in our polsci11 subject tonight..and here i am..updating my blog!!!!
sometimes i can’t even understand myself…when i have so many tests..i don’t know..i just can’t find time to study anymore…it is so damn frustrating..and humiliating…but, i’m really doing my best…
today..as in, as of this moment…i can’t explain how i feel..currently, i’m chatting with my younger sister at Yahoo Messenger..and, as usual, i’m complaining about everything to her..as if it’s her fault..but then again..it isn’t her fault..she’s really helping me in any way that she can…i’m so thankful that she’s here…
yet…talking to her about a subject that i, myself cannot understand is kind’a hard…do you ever feel the feeling wherein you don’t understand yourself? you really know that you have a problem, but then, you can’t even identify it? i mean, it’s hard to voice it out!!! especially when your problem is about someone who doesn’t even care about it…
i really am having a hard time…i don’t understand!!!! AMBOT!!!!!

Love Is A Different Feeling

September 22nd, 2005
Yeah..yeah…all people strive to explain the difference between love, friendship, and a whole lot of other emotions..i mean, really!! what could be the difference?!
I don’t know if this explains all, but reading this actually gives us a clue..here it goes..

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart
racing
and is
your voice caught within your chest??

-It isn’t love, it’s LIKE.

You can’t keep your eyes or hands off of
her/him,
am I
right??

-It isn’t love, it’s LUST.

Are you proud, and eager to show her
off??

-It isn’t love, it’s LUCK.

Do you want her/him because you know she’s/he’s
there??

-It isn’t love, it’s LONELINESS.

Are you with her/him because it’s what
everyone
wants??

-It isn’t love, it’s LOYALTY.

Are you with her/him because she/he kissed you,
or
held
your hand?

-It isn’t love, it’s LOW CONFIDENCE.

Do you stay for her/him confessions of love,
because
you don’t want to hurt her/him?

-It isn’t love, it’s PITY.

Do you belong to her/him because the sight of
her/him
makes your heart skip a beat??

-It isn’t love, it’s INFATUATION.

Do you pardon her/him faults because you
care
about
her/him?

-It isn’t love, it’s FRIENDSHIP.

Do you tell her/him every day she/he is the only
one
you
think of?

-It isn’t love, it’s a LIE.

Are you willing to give up all of your
favorite
things
for her/his sake?

-It isn’t love, it’s CHARITY.

Does your heart ache and break when
she’s/he’s
sad?

-Then it’s LOVE.

Do you cry for her/his pain, even when she’s/he’s
strong?

-Then it’s LOVE.

Do her/his eyes see your true heart, and
touch
your
soul so deeply it hurts?

-Then it’s LOVE.

Do you stay because a blinding,
incomprehensible mix of pain and
relation
pulls
you close and holds you to her/him?

-Then it’s LOVE.

Do you accept her/his faults because it’s a
part of
who she/he is?

-Then it’s LOVE.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with
her/him
faithfully without regret??

-Then it’s LOVE.

Would you give her/him your heart, your life,
your
death??

-Then it’s LOVE.

Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so,
why
do
we love? Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony? Why is it all we
long
for?
This torture, this powerful death of self?
Why?
The answer is so simple. ‘Cause
it’s…LOVE.
It is such an addictive thing that even
people
who are not having it wish to experience
it and
share it with others as well.

I like the dreams of the future better than
the history of the past…

Love hurts our feelings, but it’s also the
reason our souls heal….

After reading this, i realized that maybe I was wrong with what i was feeling for Mark..but, on second thought, maybe I was right..but then again, i’m still too young to know! wooohhoo!! anyway, whatever i am feeling now, i’ve decided to treasure it and to make good use of it! and certainly, I wish you all to do the same!

<Camille..thank you for this!!!hehe>

window.parent.finishedSpellChecking();

-i’ve decided to let it all out-

September 19th, 2005
owki..this post would really tell you how i feel right now..my frustrations, anger, happiness, and my all..i’ve decided not to hide these feelings anymore because they are piling up and i can’t take it any longer..
as we all know..lately, i am suffering MAMS (Mark Anthony Moreno Syndrome!)..i hate to admit it, but if this were a disease, i would have died already!! i don’t care how others may think of me right now, but i’m really certain that i love him..i know there is nothing wrong with loving someone, but somehow it gets to a point wherein i ask myself whether loving him is right..
you see, he has a girlfriend..but still i can’t stop myself from loving him! i feel so stupid..i don’t know if i accept the fact that he has a girlfriend or i’m just really hoping that eventually, things will go on my way! i just don’t understand myself..why do i go on with this?! it’s like i’m torn into two..i can’t even answer my sister when she asked me the same question..
i have a lot of problems in my list, but why does it seem that this one tops the chart?! i am so angry with myself! why am i jealous when he looks at other girls? why do i feel like my day is incomplete without seeing him? WHY WHY WHY???!!!
i don’t even know how he feels with all of these! i’m proud to say that he knows everything..i did not hide it from him..maybe that’s why, somehow, we share something that only the two of us knows..and because of that, we became close friends..as in close, that even my cousin’s aunt asked if he was my boyfriend! (hahay..how i wish!!)..or maybe, letting him know was my biggest mistake..anyway, i wish i could read his mind..why is it difficult to just see right through him?!
damn..i still have so many questions! but what’s the use?! he won’t even read my posts!! i think he does not even care anymore (?)..it’s not like he’ll answer it anyway!! at least, at one point, i’ve let something out!! i don’t care how others will think of me..i’m just being honest!! being myself..no lies, no pretensions..
of course i know the consequences of this action..my pride and shame are at stake..but at this point, i don’t know if i have any!! all i know is that, after all these time, i still feel the same way for Mark Anthony Moreno! i still love him..you may think of me a fool, tanga, gaga, martyr, WHATEVER!! i don’t care!! i’m proud to say this is the real me..the REAL Mara Rev Caballes Resma!!

…another one…

September 17th, 2005
"What Could Have Been"
Tell me what could have happened
If I had fought for your love?
Would you have sided with me,
And your heart you’d let me have?
What could have happened
If I hadn’t been so weak?
Could there have been us
If I wasn’t this meek?
Or what if I never fell?
Would I have known you this long?
Would we still be as close now,
If I hadn’t been so strong?
Now tell me what could have happened
If I decided to hang on?
Would you have caught me when I fell,
And put me in your arms where I belong?

…today…

September 16th, 2005

i decided to make this post because i am so damn bored!!! today was the day of our intramurals..yet, i ditched school this morning..i was at the house doing not but to eat, sleep and write something in my diary..i was so bored!!! our intramurals? no comment…ewan ko lang…

i went to school in the afternoon, thinking that we will have a practice sa serenata…but then, wala jud nitunga ang mga people…i wished wala nlng ko ni-adto kung hibaw-an pa..hehehehe…well, tonight’s our athlete’s night..and i didn’t go..i was so tired…then, i went home and ate supper…then i went to uncle deo’s place..

i can’t help but to think why i always feel so tired…ewan ko lang…i am so confuse..i am not like this sa una…what the hell’s bothering me?! i read rommel’s blog ganina…and na-igo jud ko..nka-relate ko sa iya gi post entitled "not knowing"…hehe..

ambot oi..libog mn jud ko..at one point, i thought i was almost to surrender…but then, on another i just want to hold on and fight…ambot oi..libog…i just have so many questions..next poem na ako i-post..mao toh akong questions….

YesTeRdAy

September 15th, 2005
"YeStErDaY"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I smile as I remember yesterday,
And all those times that we were together.
Now, it seems those times are so far away,
With tears quickly replacing my laughter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don’t know why it has to be this way,
Why confusion still occurs in my mind.
I did tell you not to leave and just stay,
But, I guess my love for you makes me blind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What should I do when you are committed?
When I don’t know where I stand in your life?
And letting you go, I half admitted,
Stabs me so painfully with a sharp knife.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How am I suppose to forget the past,
When I am still walking towards that way.
Those are the memories that I want to last,
Even if yesterday seems far away.

..typhoon LoneLiness..

September 15th, 2005

Reason by Nami Tamaki
GSEED Destiny 1st Opening Song

The further apart we are,
the closer I feel to you.
Loneliness transforms into
strength when I think of you.

We still don’t know
That we cannot come to terms
with each other with words alone.

You told me not to give up on that dream
That dream that I lost
Because all I wanted was to embrace you.

The further apart we are,
the closer I feel to you.
Loneliness transforms into
strength when I think of you.

My heart will ache from the
piercing shard of my dream
Please believe once again in the
miracle that let us meet as we are.

The War of Hearts and Minds

September 12th, 2005
People often torn between things that are to be decided logically and emotionally. Some do what their hearts tell them others do what their brains tell them. I can say that there really is a difference between both because what the brain is telling you to do may not be the same with what your heart is telling you.
My question is "which is which?" Can your heart simply tell you when and where to be happy? Which person and why? Others say follow your heart and you will be happy. Sometimes, following your heart may cause you so much pain, unbearable pain that you’d wish to turn back time! Once, when I followed my heart, half of me felt happy and half of me felt imprisoned! It waas like wandering in a place- pretening that I was with someone I love, when all that was really was me! Alone! It was more of like fantasy than reality!
When you decide logically, on the other hand; it is like too much of reality!! I can’t eplain why since I’m he kind of person who always decides "at heart". But one thing I can say, following what my brain tells me (especially on things involving LOVE) makes me feel so not satisfied!!! Like a cellphone without a sim card, or a car without a fuel; or a rose without its thorns!! The natural beauty is lost!!
Obviously, this post talks about love!! Whether or not to follow your heart or your brain. But I tell you, whichever you will follow is not an assurance of happily ever after..happily ever after happens only in fairytales…LIFE is not a fairytale!! Life requires risks, taking chances and sacrifices. It’s always good to look before you leap. Maybe it’s also good to follow your heart and mind..although I haven’t tried it cause my mind always seems to disagree with my heart.
Anyway, you can always do what you want to do! As long as you’re happy with it!! Carpe Diem!! ;-)

Unwithered Flower

September 10th, 2005

ei…this is from rommel’s blog…i just love the song…

A small flower is blooming inside my heart,
The unwithering flower you gave to me,
I was able to believe strongly enough in myself,
So I’m not afraid anymore…

* I was lucky meeting you,
   I was proud holding your hand
   Even though we look up to different skies now,
   See? I can walk on my own now…

I laugh more during sad times,
To hide the pain I feel inside,
But you hugged me gently without saying a thing
I felt like opening a door frozen in ice…

I was happy meeting you,
Even though I could only share my lonliness,
Even though we’re separated now,
I still feel we’re still connected under this sky…

I didn’t say thank you…
I couldn’t even promise…
However, like on that day, if the wind blows
Then I know we will surely meet again…

Repeat *

ahem…nka-relate lng ko sa chorus…hehehe….mao na ‘toh xa!!!