just wondering why…

November 29th, 2006

Stream of Conciousness (hahaha)

I can’t believe it!! Chloe and I are in an internet cafe at this very moment when my classmates are watching a movie for our history 2. We were suppose to go to class when one of my classmates texted chloe and told us that our class started at one o’clock rather than two thirty, and with that, Chloe and I are late. Fearing that our professor might "scold" us, which definitely, she will. We decided to skip class and work on with our blogs for journalism subject. If my mom knows about this, I wouldn’t know what to do and how to tell her exactly what happened. Knowing her (my mom), she will definitely get angry, if there’s no word more appropriate to describe her reaction!!!

Anyway, I miss my cellular phone. It has been a week since I haven’t had it and I am so totally missing the text world!!! I can’t help it!! My social life is gone for a moment and it feels like forever!! All that I can do is to divert the lost of my cell phone feelings to other things. Like blogging, writing and reading. I can’t believe this!!! I miss those people who were acquianted to me through text.

Hhhmm. But there’s nothing that I can do but to wait…

Well, now that ASEAN summit is just around the corner, I can’t help but notice that Cebu City is slowly changing its physical characteristics, if you know what I mean. You see, there is police visibility, houses in sidewalks are kept clean and there are actually mini gardens in highways that were left unattended in the past. It’s funny how the government would take on such heights just to please foreigners. I mean, why not do this before?!

Hahay. As if there’s something that I can do…

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never knew..

November 28th, 2006
"it is only with the heart that one can see rightly..what is essential is invisible to the eye.."
i’ve been very sad lately..i just learned that the father of my best friend died..i don’t know when, my sister just told me..and the hardest part is, i can’t extend to them my condolences because i have no courage to approach rick rhyan because..i don’t know..i just can’t…
i haven’t talked to him ever since..i don’t remember when <sigh!> it’s not like i still have feelings for him, obviously not!! i know i’ve let him go, i just find it so hard to treat him the way i usually treat my friends..after all, he knew how i felt for him then..it was never a close book for him..
and now, i feel kind’a guilty..i can’t even let him know that i was also shocked by the death of his father..even though i really want to let him know that i know the feeling of losing someone you love, i can’t…because, somehow there is already a gap that exists between us..a thick wall that will never be destroyed..
our friendship didn’t have that strong foundation, that is why no matter how hard i try to reach out, i feel him quickly floating away..i guess that was why there was hatred in me during those times when we were not speaking with each other..and base from what i saw in him, he also has the same feelings..
in turn, i have a hard time confronting the fact that hatred is never the right solution..i could not help but feel that way..but now, i pity him..losing a father is hard, it’s the same feeling when i found out my mom and dad are quarreling which led to their separation..it’s worst than dying for me..but now that i’ve heard the news about rhyan’s father, part of me wanted to reach out to him and make him feel that i’m here as a friend…
but i know it will never happen..i just hope he and his family will be okey..
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along came..YOU?!

November 22nd, 2006
my gosh..i can’t understand..what’s this post got to do with him?!
i don’t understand why when i’m so ready to let him go and move on, he shows up!! and i’m so stupid to take two steps backward!!! get what i mean????
if this blog of mine were a real person, i would have pity him or her..because i always complain and put all my hung-ups and anxieties to him or her..hahaha!! he or she would have been someone who has eye bags for always listening to my problems and complaints..and in the long run, my blog would have killed me!!!
"is love a disease?"
"if it makes you weak and despondent, then it is a disease. but if it makes you happy and strong, then it is a cure. and a blessing.."
a line from one of my favorite novels..right now, for me..love is a disease..and i can’t remember a moment in my life wherein i felt that love is a cure and a blessing..
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go figure!!!

November 16th, 2006
"..the heart is the hardest thing to control.."
I feel so depress tonight, at this very moment if i may add. Tomorrow is my friend’s birthday and I’m not really sure if I can celebrate with them. I can’t make myself feel happy today, tonight.
I don’t know why it has to be this way. I mean, my grades are ok, they’re even bigger than to what I have expected. But my life turn almost 360 degrees wrong. I don’t mean to over-react, but that’s what I’m feeling right now. All of a sudden I feel like a completely controlled freak and I cannot stand the change. Even though I just laugh it all out, I can’t shove it off my mind.
My lessons are giving me too much pressure that I could really feel like losing my sanity (there’s no exact word to use, so I’ll settle with the word "sanity"..hehehe). I guess I’m not a very good student after all..
There’s no problem with all of these, really. I guess the problem is in me ant this stupid heart of mine. My professor once said that the heart is the hardest thing to control, and I guess she was right. With all that has been happening to me, I don’t see any reason of not believing what she has said. My heart just won’t obey me at all!! It won’t even listen to what my head is saying. I can’t believe this.
My time’s nearing its end..hehe..and I don’t even know if that is the right thing to say. Anyway, I can’t wait to have my own computer!! That way I can post and update my blog any time!! <sigh>
Ciao guys!! ’til next time!!
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second semester

November 14th, 2006

Writing For Grades!!

My second sem in UP is a little tiresome but i’m also excited. Mdm. Tabada said that we’ll be updating our blogs almost all the time. I’m a bit scared because my blog’s a little too personal and informal, but I guess this would do. I don’t care if this may transform from time to time because I have to post some of my articles in Journ 121 and 103..hehe..

I really want to become more serious with my studies this second sem. I want to make the most out of my education. I’m thankful because I got accepted as an STFAP scholar, I can make adjustments to my finances. I don’t really know what lies ahead of me. I still have to make my assignment in Soc Sci 2 and I still have a report in History 2. I still have to think of possible topics for journ, and not just any topics, but "publishable" topics <sigh>.

This time, I won’t be scared to "unleash" the real me!!bwahaha!!! I have no time to pretend if I want to survive this challenges..hehe..

The formality is killing me..my gosh!! I know when you write in Journalism, you have to be formal and watch for any grammatical errors and such.. I admit I’m not really good at those. I’m just not that "literary"..hehe.. I write what is on my mind..ahhhmm..let’s say, spontaneous writing..(gosh, what the hell am I talking about?!)

Anyway, I guess you can’t really understand what i’m talking about, not unless you’re a mass comm student..but I guess every student has his or her pressures no matter what his or her course is..especially when you’re in UP!!!

Guess I’ll end here…still have to do my homeworks!!!mwah!!

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