ambiguity…

I was thinking about writing something based on the movie Win A Date With Tad Hamilton’s definition of love and of loving someone.

Then I just found myself trying it. Actually, I really wanted to try it a very long time ago. But I haven’t had enough time. Now, I actually finished it..my observation and a very futile way to somehow prove to myself that I can be good at loving. Read through this…

I have seen a movie entitled Win A Date With Tad Hamilton and the leading role of a girl said that you shold love someone with his every details. That is also the very same idea included in one of the pocketbooks my sister recommended for me to read when I’m being my "hopeless romantic" self again.

To answer the question, I opted to try and see for myself.

And to answer the question I asked above?! Well, it is really self-fulfilling that you know for yourself why and how much you love a person and the other way around.

Yeah!! That’s what I’ve had in mind for this person, named Jerson. Now I understand the feeling of being in love; the kind of love that lasts forever. You hurt…you cry… Yet you still love. And you never stop loving until you prove to yoourself one day that you are also worthy of it.

summer..here i come..

for that, i would like to congratulate our batch, the Mass Comm students of UP for a very excellent school year..i don’t want to enumerate what it it that we’ve achieve because i am pretty sure you know about it…and even though we had a tough year, i admit the thought of April’s death still fills me with regret, and some of us will shift to other courses, we still have great bonding and the friendship we have will forever remain in our heart…ahheemm…i’m sure you know what i’m blabbing about here guys..just want to say my "goodbyes" to those people who have become a part of my life! (the power of "CHAR") hehehe…i don’t want to be so dramatic, but really…i’m gonna miss you guys..hehehe…

p.s. this is not a permanent goodbye, ok?! i’m not going anywhere..i’ll still be here in Cebu..and if you want to hang out this summer, you know where to find me..i’m just a call and text away…

and if ever you can’t find me anywhere…well…i know you can..hehehe

the revelation…

last night, when i was about to sleep..my sisters and i had a great time talking with each other. actually, we couldn’t really sleep, so instead of sitting there quietly and writing something in my diary, i decided to chat with them.

i also had a great time texting with jerson..see the effect he has on me?! just a plain text and my heart goes undeniably happy, or should i say wild!!! i don’t understand it, it’s just too vague and simply stupid!!

what he told me last night really did broke my heart! i mean, he told me that he do not believe in what i say..i clearly took it as an insult. why the hell would i open up with him when all i ever waned was too lie?! why would i tell him that i like him (or for some unfortunate chances, i love him) when i would not tell the truth?! i mean, lying would do me no good especially when talking about my feelings. that is just so unreasonable both on our parts right?! so there, why would lie?!

am i making sense here?! i would never lie to anyone, especially to a guy whom i’ve always considered to be very special…and he does not believe me?! does he ever know how hard it is to open up about your feelings (especially to him!) and he would not believe me?

isn’t it clear from my actions?! or am i making it so ambigious?

why can’t you believe me jerson?! why do you really have to slap it to my face that you think i am lying?! how come?! give me one good reason why you think i am lying?!! why?????!!!!???

i am so sad..i am making a big deal of this thing..but it really is an insult when someone does not believe what you’ve told him when in fact it is the truth. that is just so frustrating..not to mention humiliating…

do you really think i am lying?! well, it’s all up to you..but i really do care on what you think about me. so if you don’t believe me, you must think i’m a liar right?! but i am not. and i’ll do anything for you to just believe me. i just want to tell you i’ve never been more honest my entire life with you!!!

a letter?!

This is a letter from Mr. Reynald Chris Capablanca addressed a certain Mass Comm student. Apparently, they were arguing about something. I am not taking sides here, I just wanted to post the letter. I also told my bestfriend, Sheng, who’s in Manila and I pressume that she wanted to read the letter too.

19 March 2007

RE: Credibility of a UPian

The date was 15 March 2007, Thursday. Right after our Social Classes with Dr. Ligan, I, together with my group mates in our research project had a discussion about how to go about the project. I happened to have made the questionnaire with this certain classmate of yours, and unfortunately mine too. We were in the net cafe somewhere. Now the last statement of the intro part of the questionnaire which I made was:

This statement was apparently addressed to our potential respondents. This certain "Ms. Mass Comm" began interrogating me about the correctness of the whole statement. In the very first place, aside from laughing her way through it, she deliberately word the thing as "wrong grammar". I had to laugh then. By the way, you do not say "wrong grammar" but syntactically incorrect! Got it Miss MassComm?

Miss MassComm / Miss Know-It-All, my name is Reynald Chris Capablanca. I am from the University of the Philippines High School in Cebu. My teachers way back then had post-graduate degrees. I am a grammarian. I am a call center agent in an American-based company. I work for a research firm. I do surveys everyday, I know how it goes doing surveys. I am a Psychology student. I am adept with the English Language, I use it everyday. I am smart. I am credible and I am from UP!

P.S. I am in the paper today… Please check out The Freeman, Lifestyle page. Western Wats is still hiring..

And that ends there…

Online Journalism based on Journ121 experience

Here goes experience during our journalism under Journ121.

First of all, it is really tiring but fun. You meet new people and get to know your strengths and weaknesses as a person.

When our teacher assigned us to the topic Online Trafficking, I really wanted tp swtich places with our classmates who were assigned to an easier topic. I thought that we will have a hard finding a source for this topic because commonly, sources of this certain issue has been labelled as confidential. My partner, Chloe, and I had to dig up the whole of the Internet world since of of the sites that we have cannot be opened or we need to register with our credit card number (which we do not have) in order to get through.

It was a time of sleepover and sleep-skipping because we had to wake up early in the morning to use the Internet for free. Personally, I was rather pleased because I get to spend more time at Chloe’s which means I get to see her darling older brother Marvin (hehehe!). Anyway, I asked for my mother’s help in finding a non-goverment source to interview. And with luck on our side, we were introduced to Kaira Zoe Alburo. She was our interviewee and spending time with her was not only full of learning but enjoyable as well. I learned a lot from the beautiful, bright young lady, who I thought at first was strict and…well, let’s say older.

Journalism 121, the electronic newsroom introduced me to a whole new journalism in the Internet, with wider scope and a lot of information that may not be all factual and true. I enjoyed always facing the computer and typing words that pop in my head, sometimes I make drafts, but when I feel lazy, I immediately type things that runs through my head without worrying about the grammar (like what i’m doing now!)

The Great Invocation

(i’m beginning to get sooo religious lately..hehehe)

The Great Invocation

From the point of Light within the Mind of God

Let Light strem forth into the minds of Men.

Let light descend on earth.

From the point of Love within the Heart of God

Let LOve stream forth into the Hearts of Men,

May Christ return to Earth.

From the center where the Will of God is known

Let purpose guide the little Wills of Men.

The prupose which the Masters know and serve.

From the center which we call the race of men

Let the Plan of Love and Light work out

And may it seal the door where evil dwells.

Let Light and Love and Power restore the Plan on Earth.

the pressure…

good day! first of all, i miss updating my blogs. lately, i’ve been very busy with schoolworks that i almost don’t have the time updating.

well, anyway now that i am in front of a computer, i can’t waste the opportunity to let you know what i was doing for the past few days..

Journalism. Oh yeah, the subject which requires publication. Of course, my classmates and I are working our hearts out with this. This is one of my favorite subject (and i’m not saying this just because our blogs will be checked!) because it really brings out the best and the worst of us. It requires a lot of fieldworks and interviews, and it also requires truth! Chloe and I were assigned to do an article about on-line trafficking of women and at first we really had difficulty in finding a source for the said assignment. But with the help of my mom, we were able to contact someone from Gabriela who is of great help to us! (Thanks to Miss Kaira Alburo!) Anyway, being an amateur journalist is never an easy jod, what more if we are already in the actual world of journalism!!!

Final Exams. After all these, we still have to review for our final exams, which of course, is never easy. I’m just glad that some of the subjects do not require blue books and pens for the finals. Some, like Broadcasting 101 required us to pass an FM production, and it is a groupwork. Now, all we have to do is prioritize on which goes first.

Term Papers. Only one subject required us to pass a term paper, SOCSCI 2. And our topic is "Fame and the Teenagers". It is all about the teenagers concept of fame and what they do to acquire it. Like the radio production, it is a group effort.

And lastly, our Fashion show for our history class. It is all about women who was part of Asian History (since it is women’s month already). This show will be a class effort, and even though there are many people involved in it, it is still a very difficult job. We need cooperation, which is, somehow difficult to have since most of my classmates have their interviews for Journ, recording for BC…and others…

And these are all due next week!!!!

Mass Comm students, we can do these!!!

apathy?!

of course, when a day ends, another one begins…lately i’ve been really upset..this is one of those nights wherein i feel like the whole drama of life is totally within me. this is a threat to my social life because when i feel this way i tend to stay inside the house all day. my friends barely have a glimpse of me..i don’t check my cellular phone for messages and i don’t buy load..i’m totally a different person when i feel this way..i only go out for school and after that, viola!! house again..

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when i was in high school, i had this "house-school-house" routine..it was very evident that i don’t socialize with the people living in our neighborhood since i barely knew them..that was then..i couldn’t point out the exact moment wherein i felt like actually reaching out for my "friends" here..that was then…now, i actually succeeded in making friends with, practically a lot of our neighbors…

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but lately, i haven’t been able to hang out with them..it’s like there’s a reason behind all my change of moods but i couldn’t put a name into it…do you ever feel like crying but you just cannot cry at all? do you ever feel so numb? do you ever feel like you’ve had enough of all the things that made you felt so hopeless and miserable that you tend to shut yourself out from the whole world?! well..right now, i really feel that way…i don’t understand why…

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early in the morning, i was with my cousin..she was eating silently in the dining table while i was reading something..then she asked me the same question i’ve been asking myself..only she related it differently and she had a different answer too..she asked why i became a little "aloft" lately..i could not answer her..i do not know the answer..and in my silence, she said, "do you hate to see nenette and ryan together?" i was very much caught offguard..i nearly dropped the book that i was reading..i gave her a questioning look without even bothering to speak..but she was just staring at me with a knowing look..

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i know that is not the reason..it really isn’t..i’ve already accepted the fact about ryan long ago!! very long ago..i just cannot understand why my cousin has this wrong notion of me isolating myself from my friends temporarily..now, i can’t help but ask myself if i really am acting that way..acting like a stupid girl feeling so jealous for this other girl who now has the only person i’ve ever wanted for eight long years…but i know it’s all over…

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it is really weird to note that there are times wherein you really just can’t be yourself…you lose all your self control and become so disoriented for a moment….