i can’t believe my mom..nilubos-lubos nya nah ang summer to make us clean the whole house for like, the nth time!!!!

take care guys!!!!!

i can’t believe my mom..nilubos-lubos nya nah ang summer to make us clean the whole house for like, the nth time!!!!

take care guys!!!!!

blank..

so much has happened ever since i last updated my blogs. i mean, just this morning i received a text message from eric saying aika is here (eric is lalay’s younger brother in leyte..) and it got me wondering whether lalay knew about this and he has been playing with me all along. i don’t have the heart and the courage to ask him…but in my mind i have already prepared the conversation that might happen, i already anticipated the words to say and my reaction to those words. surprisingly, in my imagined encounter, i didn’t shed a single tear…at least in a daydream i refused to cry..do you know how i’m feeling right now?! i feel so damn stupid..but i should not go on this way…there is no sweeter thing than revenge…hhhmmm..let him have a taste of his own medecine…

whatever!

i can’t describe how i’m feeling right now..that’s it..

regrets..

A year ago, or two years ago rather… He got even with me. I got what I deserved and I guess that was enough. I already cried so many times for him then. But a replay? NOW? I guess I don’t need a replay. It’s more than I could bear. I guess I should pay the price for being stupid, unreasonable and inconsiderate at times, right?! But does it have to be this way?! Should my heart pay all the price?!

Sway

Sway

When marimba rhythms start to play
Dance with me, make me sway
Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore
Hold me close, sway me more

Like a flower bending in the breeze
Bend with me, sway with ease
When we dance you have a way with me
Stay with me, sway with me

Other dancers may be on the floor
Dear, but my eyes will see only you
Only you have that magic technique
When we sway I go weak

I can hear the sounds of violins
Long before it begins
Make me thrill as only you know how
Sway me smooth, sway me now

Sway me, take me
Thrill me, hold me
Bend me, ease me
You have a way with me

Sway (sway)

Other dancers may be on the floor
Dear, but my eyes will see only you
Only you have that magic technique
When we sway I go weak
I go weak

I can hear the sounds of violins
Long before it begins
Make me thrill as only you know how
Sway me smooth, sway me now
Make me thrill as only you know how
Sway me smooth, sway me now
Make me thrill as only you know how
Sway me smooth, sway me now
Sway me
Sway me
Sway me now

reaction…

reaction?! violent or not?! i have no idea how to react on this situation again…it seems like i never get tired of this love thingy…it keeps on pestering me with feelings that never fails to let me feel a "this is new to me!" feeling…

on second thought, i could just shove this off my mind and think of things that really matters…for example, getting a job and earning money…but seems like the rational part of my head has exploded!!hahaha!!

this whole thing is pretty much overrated..hehehe

contradiction

"And I know that I can’t make you stay. But where’s your heart? But where’s your heart?!"

Why can’t I say the things that I want to say to you? You have silently hurt me, for no apparent reason at all, but why do I still have a soft spot for you?! In a way, I know it was never my intention to fall in love again…with you. I thought that all those things we did were results of me missing the life of having someone to make me lose control of myself. Do you get me?! I mean, I have been wondering what’s it like to have someone to kiss or hug again..oh my gosh, what am I talking about?! Let’s not got to that part.

Anyway, I thought that I would never let myself be a slave of circumstance again. I even reminded myself not to fall for your damn flirtations and sweet nothings. But who am I to blame you?! I must admit that I was afraid to take the fall because I wasn’t sure you’d be there to catch me. Nevertheless, I fell, and you were there. But I still have doubts.

Not only that you still have a current girlfriend, I could also feel an air of uncertainty both in our parts. You can’t blame me, can’t you?! Of course you can’t. It was both our decision in the very first place, although we are still taking our time to adjust.

On my part, I can’t help but ask whether being your girlfriend is right. I mean, of course, the feeling is so right, but logically, we both can’t avoid the fact that I am a third party. That is why I am having a hard time going with the flow.

But my manifestations are clear. It just reach the point (again!) wherein I don’t know how to let you go. Granting that I want to be a better girlfriend to you, but how can I make it happen when I have so much doubts?! And you?! You do not even know how to assure me with words! I can’t just take in actions you know! I need you to talk to me!!

I know I have to compete with two things to win your heart. First, with your eternal love- BASKETBALL. Next, with your girlfriend (and I mean your legal girlfriend!). Basketball, I can take. I love basketball, in fact, I watch NBA and SlamDunk. And even though I don’t know how to play the game, I understand why you love it because I love it too. I won’t let you choose between me and the game, I’m not that feekle-minded. I won’t take away the happiness and satisfaction in your face while I watch you playing the game, I’m not that selfish.

But Lalai, I can’t handle the girl. Yes, she’s not here, I have, maybe 75% of your attention, more or less. But I don’t know what to do when you two will be together. For sure, that will hurt. We can’t avoid fate, and as it never seem to take my side even before, I anticipate the pain it will once again inflict me, and that may be too hard to handle.

Still, with all my drama, I want you to know something. You are a part of me and now, I will cherish every moment when I’m with you, knowing that it will end any time. I didn’t let you choose, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get hurt if you will leave me. And when you will really decide to go, at least I have happy memories with you to remember. And…I love you…However painful it is to love you…I made myself do it…And surely, no girl can take that away!!