insomia..

i don’t know if i have insomia or this is just a normal feeling..all i know is that, i cannot sleep..it’s nearly 12 midnight but i’m still wide awake facing the computer and updating my blog..LOL!!

so far, my day has been very satisfying..we had a test in math..and don’t ask me if i did well..all i knew was, i answered the questions, searched my brain for every suitable solution to write in the paper, and when i found it, wrote it in the paper without even checking if it was the right answer..hehe..now that was fun!! talk about nosebleed!! hahaha!!!^^,

currently i am very much happy with my love life..i guess i can get use to this…(no more tears please dear GOD!!!)

changes..

before: i always believe in happy endings.

now: now i’ve realized they are just for fairytales.

before: i’m so fond of writing loveletters, expressin my feelings for the one i love.

now: the romantic side of me was reduced by one half, and that habit was gone..although not completely.

before: i believe in gender equality when it comes to love..

now: i become bias for the female..i realize females always have their hearts break, so i don’t trust men fully anymore.

before: i was a happier person, even if i have no reasons to be happy.

now: i tend to find myself looking for reasons to be happy..and the time i spent alone in my room is slowly rising…

before: i always write in my diary.

now: i tend to ignore writing in general!

before: lalay broke me..tore me into pieces..i was shattered..

now: i’m slowly mending myself with the help of cliff.

before: i vowed not to trust a guy anymore.

now: one guy is slowly bringing me back to my old self.

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that guy is slowly making his way to my heart…hahaha!! i’m becoming very corny as time passes by..hehe…//_\\

one morning..

i’m talking about this morning. i am late for school for two reasons..one is because i woke up early…got you confused?!? well, i woke up early because it was my turn to cook breakfast this morning. so i woke up at around 5:30 am..since i have no class for the first period 9:00-10:30, i slept again and woke up at around 9:30..that gives me an hour to go to prepare for school.

normally, that would be enough for me without considering the outside forces..but with all the other disturbances, now i am very late..hahaha!!! my mom raced me to the bathroom, and guess what?!? she won..now she’s in there taking a bath and i’m here posting this post…

suprisingly, my life today is very satisfying..i mean, my studies are great..although sometimes i tend to get very lazy..but not so overly lazy to the point that i won’t study anymore and always has alibi’s not to go to school..i guess i’ll never get to that kind of personality, although i think that’s hidden deep inside me..LOL!! my family relationship is ok, even though my mom doesn’t approve of me having a boyfriend, she really has no choice..i mean, personally, i wouldn’t give her a choice..=p

my friends..they’re absolutely fine..they’re always there..and i hope they’ll always be around..and i mean, my friends in general..

and, as for my lovelife..it’s really turning out great as of the moment..i’m not really sure if i want it to end, but really, right now, I COULD NOT ASK FOR MORE..and if this will ever end, i’m sure it will be my biggest regret ever! although i have a lot of expectations for this time, i’m keeping these to myself and at a very least possible degree..because when my expectations aren’t met, i tend to..what..ahhmm..wallow in self pity?!? no..i guess i’ll just be discouraged…so, as early as now, i’ll practice not to expect more out of anything…even with my relationship..

i already have accepted the fact that nothing in life is perfect..yeah..ages ago!! i realized that if you take the road of life spontaneously, it will be more fun (but not too much of it)..i guess that realization changed something in me..

stay..

would it be so hard for you to stay?!?

sometimes i ask myself what kind of a person am i if i can’t even make the people that i love most to stay? and i’m talking about the general here (my family, my friends, and the one person i love most…). well, my family is an "ok" case since they will never leave me by heart..we’re just miles apart..

so, what’s left are my friends and the person i love most. during these times, when i’m alone in my room, finishing a report due the next day, i am really extra dramatic..so, bear with me..back to the topic..i love my friends..i know i do..in the past, i was not having any troubles keeping them..but now, they seem like bubbles..they come and they go..and when the coming and going is repeated many times, i grow tired of it..and the effect is very personal for me because i wonder if there’s something wrong with me..and that is just so annoying..even when there’s really nothing wrong with me, i tend to blame myself if they just can’t stay.

enter the one person i love..he is just so good to be true..he came to me at the saddest part of my life..he came to me when i really felt betrayed and worthless..and who made me feel that way?!? his cousin!! yes!! surprised?!? they are absolutely related, full blood!!! during those times, i felt like not loving at all..i even felt like not believing in love at all..but he changed me slowly…he comforted me silently, he accompanied me during our late night texting marathon..

might think what we have is perfect..but i’m still having trouble with myself.. i doubt if i can make him stay as long as i need him.. i doubt if he wants to stay too..now i’m really uncertain of my ability to love..this is driving me nuts…

people come and go they say..but can’t they just stay?!

Why is the Filipino Special?

Filipinos are brown. Their color is at the center of human racial strains.

This point is not an attempt at racism, but just for many Filipinos to realize that our color should not be a source of or reason for an inferiority complex. While we pine for a fair complexion, white people are religiously tanning themselves, under the sun or artificial light, to approximate the Filipino complexion.

Filipinos are a touching people. We have lots of love and are not afraid to show it. We almost inevitably create human chains with our perennial akbay (putting an arm around another’s shoulder), hawak (hold), yakap (embrace), himas (caressing stroke), kalabit (touching with the tip of the finger), kalong (sitting on someone else’s lap), etc. We are always reaching out, always seeking interconnection.

Filipinos are linguists. Put a Filipino in any city, any town around the world. Give him a few months or even weeks and he will speak the local language there. Filipinos are adept at learning and speaking languages. In fact, it is not uncommon for Filipinos to speak at least three: his own local dialect, Filipino, and English. Of course, a lot speak an added language, be it Chinese, Spanish or, if he works abroad, the language of his host country.

In addition, Tagalog is not ’sexist.’  While many "conscious" and "enlightened" people of  today are just by now striving to be "politically correct" with their language and, in the process, bend to absurd depths in coining "gender sensitive" words, Tagalog has, since
time immemorial, evolved gender-neutral words like asawa (husband or wife), anak (son or daughter), magulang (father or mother), kapatid (brother or sister), biyenan (father-
in-law or mother-in-law), manugang (son or daughter-in-law), bayani (hero or heroine), etc. Our languages and dialects are advanced and, indeed, sophisticated! It is no small wonder that Jose Rizal, the quintessential Filipino, spoke some twenty-two languages!

Filipinos are groupists. We love human interaction and company. We always surround ourselves with people and we hover over them, too. According to Dr. Patricia Licuanan, a psychologist from Ateneo and Miriam College, an average Filipino would have and know at least 300 relatives.

At work, we live bayanihan (mutual help); at play, we want a kalaro (playmate) more than laruan (toy). At socials, our invitations are open and it is more common even for guests to invite and bring in other guests. In transit, we do not want to be separated from our group. So what do we do when there is no more space in a vehicle? Kalung-kalong! Sitting on one another). No one would ever suggest splitting a group and wait for
another vehicle with more space!

Filipinos are weavers. One look at our baskets, mats, clothes, and other crafts will reveal the skill of the Filipino weaver and his inclination to weaving. This art is a metaphor of the Filipino trait. We are social weavers. We weave theirs into ours that we all become parts of one another. We place a lot of premium on pakikisama (getting along) and pakikipagkapwa (relating). Two of the worst labels, walang pakikipagkapwa (inability torelate), will be avoided by the Filipino at almost any cost. We love to blend and harmonize with people, we like to include them in our "tribe," our "family"- and we like
to be included in other people’s families, too.

Therefore we call our friend’s mother nanay or mommy; we call a friend’s sister ate (eldest sister), and so on. We even call strangers tia/tita (aunt) or tio/tito (uncle), tatang (grandfather), etc.

So extensive is our social openness and interrelations that we have specific title for extended relations like hipag (sister-in-law’s spouse), balae (child-in-law’s parents),
inaanak (godchild), ninong/ninang (godparents) kinakapatid (godparent’s child), etc.

solely imperfect..

no one is perfect..definitely a cliche..but so damn true..

so what if i have mistakes?!? the hell would you care?!? i can’t describe how i’m really feeling right now. i have never been this ashamed, and angry with myself. i tried to bow down, to ignore my pride..actually, i did..and did it do me any good?!? i can’t possibly agree on that..i’m just really angry with myself right now.

it’s been almost a month after that hideous break up but why do people still make a fuss over that thing?!? why do they still keep on putting ideas to their brains that i still love that guy?!? i’ve given him enough curses, enough spells to prove to them that i’m not at all in love with him anymore..can’t they stick that damn truth in their already damaged brain cells?!? (i’m not talking sensibly here anymore!)

i’m so fed up with the way they are treating me…damn…

VOID…

i can’t understand why you have to sit there silently without uttering a single word to me!! if you’re so angry with me, then why not tell it to me directly?!? i don’t want to be the first one to explode because when i do, there’s just no way of fixing me!!!

i’m warning you!! i have very little patience with these kind of things…just don’t ignore my clues given to you when i’m really near to fury!! i swear!! not even you can’t stop me!!!!!

math..math..and math..

"nUmBerS, the UniVerSaL LangUage?!!? reaLLy!?! ::sigh::"

do you know how confuse i am right now?!? i’m in front of the computer, going through a severe headache because of my assignment in math..i don’t understand why when it comes to math, i really feel so sleepy..and dizzy..and mentally incapable!! hehehe..

i’m seeing all these exponents..and square roots..and cube roots…and x’s..and y’s..and z’s..and all these letters found in the english alphabet used to replace a number..which is really pointless (in my case since i don’t really like math!!). and all these makes me..ahhmm..what’s the word?!? @_@ i can’t even find a word to describe it..OMG!!!

math wizard!!! i need you!! can we switch brains, for like 2 years or until i graduate?!?!?!?

egypt..

Egypt’s Female Pharaoh Revealed by Chipped Tooth, Experts Say

Dan Morrison in Cairo, Egypt

for National Geographic News June 27, 2007

A broken tooth has become the key to identifying the mummy of Hatshepsut, the woman who ruled ancient Egypt as both queen and king nearly 3,500 years ago. For decades speculation has raged over which of two female mummies found in a simple tomb in Egypt was the remains of the gender-bending queen. Was she the dainty, fine-boned mummy gathering dust in the attic of the Egyptian Museum in Cairo? (Related photos: treasures of the Egyptian Museum.) Or was she the bosomy matron left lying on the floor of a rough tomb 445 miles (720 kilometers) south of the Egyptian capital in the Valley of the Kings? (See a map of Egypt.) This morning authorities revealed that the larger, fleshy mummy is the real Hatshepsut. (See a video and a photo gallery of the Egyptian queen’s discovery.) "We are 100 percent sure," said Zahi Hawass, secretary general of Egypt’s Supreme Council on Antiquities and a National Geographic Society explorer-in-residence. (National Geographic News is part of the National Geographic Society.) Until the discovery, Hawass and others had believed that the smaller mummy—with long, wavy, white hair and its fingers individually bandaged—was more likely Hatshepsut. "I think the face is quite royal," Hawass wrote of the smaller mummy in a recent issue of the Egyptology quarterly journal KMT. But today, smiling in front of a horde of journalists at the Egyptian Museum, Hawass admitted, "I was wrong." The finding means that Hatshepsut died of bone cancer around 50 years old, and she was overweight with diabetes, he said. The thin mummy is likley to be the queen’s nurse.

Uncovering the Tooth

There were no bodies in Hatshepsut’s tomb in the Valley of the Kings when archaeologist Howard Carter unearthed it in 1903. That tomb held the two female mummies, with the smallish woman lying in a large, open sarcophagus and the heavier woman lying on the floor. As part of their search for Hatshepsut’s true identity, researchers retrieved the larger mummy from the tomb and performed CT scans of both mummies, known family members, and other artifacts related to the queen. One of the objects examined was a wooden box of Hatshepsut’s internal organs, which was found at a third location. Removing the organs of the deceased and placing them in sacred vessels was part of the ancient Egyptian mummification process. A scan of the box revealed a rare nugget: a broken molar. Only one of the two mummies was missing a molar—the larger woman—and the tooth perfectly matched a gap in her upper jaw. DNA tests also suggest a close familial relationship between that mummy and the mummy of Hatshepsut’s grandmother, Amos Nefreteri, Hawass said.

"First Great Woman"

Hatshepsut caused a stir in Egypt because she portrayed herself in the vestments of a man during her 21-year reign in Egypt’s 18th Dynasty, which lasted from 1550 to 1292 B.C. Historians have viewed her both as a brazen usurper and a gender-bending innovator. The eldest daughter of the pharaoh Tuthmose I, Hatshepsut married her half-brother Tuthmose II and served in the traditional role of queen until his death around 1479 B.C. A young son by another wife was slated to become pharaoh upon her husband’s death. But backed by the clergy, Hatshepsut ruled Egypt as regent in the name of the boy-king, Tuthmose III. Over the next decade, she declared herself a pharaoh and ruled as co-king with her stepson. Art from this period shows her wearing feminine garb but capped with the headdress of a male king. Eventually Hatshepsut was depicted in statues and wall carvings as a fully male ruler: bearded, bare-chested, and without breasts. (Related news: "Egyptian ‘Female King’ Gets Royal Treatment" [April 10, 2006].) Hatshepsut’s reign, ending with her death in 1458 B.C., was considered a successful one. She was a prolific builder and expanded Egyptian trade. She "stands perhaps as history’s first great woman; without a doubt she was the first great female ruler," Egyptologist Dennis Forbes wrote in 2005. After her death, Tuthmose III took pains to erase records of his stepmother’s reign, which could be one explanation for her empty tomb and the mummies buried below it. In 1906 the mummy found in the coffin in KV60 was taken to the Egyptian Museum, where it sat for a century in a third-floor storeroom. Debate lasted for decades about whether the mummy in storage was Hatshepsut, or if the larger mummy left in the tomb was the real queen. Last year Hawass asked curators to locate the smaller KV60 mummy in storage at the Egytian Museum. Inscriptions on the side of the sarcophagus read, "Great Royal Nurse, In." This and other evidence led scientists to believe that KV60 was the tomb of Hatshepsut’s beloved nurse, Sittre-In. Hawass and other experts conjectured that ancient Egyptian priests had moved Hatshepsut’s mummy there to outwit tomb robbers.

iNvicTus..oNe Of mY faVoriTes..

                                           INVICTUS

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we hAd an anaLysis of this poem during my third year in high school..and because of how long ago it was, i forgot what it was all about..LOL..

i won’t make a whole interpretation out of this, but i know it’s about having total control of your destiny..and the likes..and i want to have total control of what will happen to me in the future so that i won’t have regrets clouding my head..and so that i won’t have to blame anyone over my own mistakes…