my signs of weakness..

breaking away…

i’m in my room..facing the computer..every once in a while, i glance at my cellphone for a text message from cliff..but, it’s no use..i’m just really angry now..we had an argument last night and i thought that we could straighten it out this morning..but i was mistaken..i don’t know what went wrong..i don’t know why all of a sudden he became someone i couldn’t recognize anymore.

i love him..i care for him..i did all the things to show him how much he means to me, but he didn’t feel it..he was so oblivious of my efforts..i thought he trusted me..i did not cheat on him..i was too honest for my own good when it came to telling him everything..

he said he received a text message from someone telling him they saw me somewhere in asilo..that could be me because i was processing my police clearance in camp sotero cabahug..and what’s wrong with that? he is just so paranoid that i’d be with someone else..i don’t know what is happening to him.

i guess, there really comes a time wherein someone will just stop loving you, and to get away with, they put all the blame to us..that is my theory given my situation.

and know what? it sucks..i dream of a long term relationship..i really do..and cliff was suppose to be the guy i’d end up marrying..but i guess that will stay in my dreams because today, i really do not know where we’re heading.

i’m trying my very best not to cry..but i know in the middle of the night, i will do the very thing that i’m avoiding..crying..

i don’t know what’s going on…

i don’t know what to say..it’s like sometimes when you do something for
love, you actually like doing it..but when there are other outside
forces, irresistible forces, you just get tired of doing it..

i
have this feeling that nothing will ever be the same after the
misunderstanding we had last night. there are times when i make myself
understand you; there are times when i tend to ignore my pride just for
you..there are times when i try very hard not to make a mistake
because, as you say, you don’t like second chances, so i won’t waste my
chance on you..but there are also times that i feel like it’s so unfair
if i do all the understanding alone..i mean, a relationship should be
give and take right?

all the while, i have been very honest
with you..i never cheat on you..but why is that every time we are
apart, like you’re in your hometown or something, you always suspect me
of being with someone else? i never do that to you..i trust you
wholeheartedly..do you know how much it hurts me every time you text me
all these text messages accusing me of being unfaithful to you when all
the while i was just in my room doing my assignment or just being with
friends, and i mean pure friends..you just can’t understand, can’t you?

i don’t know what to say anymore..i guess i’ll just have to what? understand?

ang hilabtanon..

we all have ex boyfriends right? what i don’t understand about these ex-boyfriends is that they tend to stick their noses right in between our current relationship by bringing up what was in past over and over again…they tend to proudly say that they came first and all..can’t they understand that what was past should remain in the past?

and you!!! i know you know who you are…this is what i’m going to say to you mind your own business!!! wa na ta’y hilabtanay kron ha kay kung di gni ka muhunong dha you don’t what i can do to you!!!