money.

i don’t know why people always make a big deal out of money. i just think that money satisfies us but there is not enough money to satisfy every one because most of us aren’t satisfied with what we have; we always ask for more. yes! people are insatiable. i guess that’s why some of us choose to fight over money. even relatives fight for money. some of us even choose to kill to acquire money.

money. money. money.

what really is?

I believe that Earth is my reality and within the Earth are spectrums of truths which can be true or false. Reality for me is what is actually happening around me. Yes, I question it but I also believe in it.

A lot of times I question the word of God, why I exists, and why this and that happens. I question the word of God not because of the Da Vinci Code, or movies such as Stigmata, Dogma or The Omen; I question it because I question it and because I wonder whether it’s true. And because of the obedience that it imposes to the people. Sometimes I even wonder if obliging the people to give “donations” is part of the word of God.

And then there comes the question of why I am here. When I was in high school I would always answer this question with “I am here because I can do something in this world.” Of course there is something I could do, but does that satisfy me? I guess not. Because if it does, why would I keep on searching for more justifications of my existence?

That is why I believe that in truth, there is true and false. There are some things in Earth that are true, yet some are still false. There are even some that cannot be explained at all; no matter how many scientists or wise men or politicians provide an explanation.

I liken the Earth to a kaleidoscope. When one peeks through a kaleidoscope, one sees many different pictures. Some are distorted. These distorted pictures for me explain that people have different beliefs. One maybe true for the other, but it may be false for the other. Still, be it true or false; it’s truth because it’s there.

Take as an example what happened to Emily Rose. In that situation, the question is that if God and the Devil exist. The priest who examined her believed so, and so does Emily Rose and her family because of what they saw and heard. But to others, it was not because they found a basis for what really happened to her in science. But, the truth is that something happened to her; some unknown force made her act that way. What the people believe are their judgments.

In conclusion, Reality surrounds us. In Reality, there is truth which is true and false. The different spectrums that people see are part of Reality. Even those that can’t be explained is part of Reality.

i am missing you so much..

11 days to go and it’s my birthday..i’m kind’a having a bad time with this. mine’s not here. although he promised me that he will come for my birthday, the time that we will spend with each other is not enough to make up for the time that we did not. i understand that he has problems and i am really having the most gracious time to support him with it. i have problems myself but it’s alright for me to deal with those alone as long as i’m not inflicting more of them to my boyfriend.

honestly, i find him so dependable. i guess he will really have a hard time when he finds a job because he’s not used to it. but i know that he is strong and he exhibits a determined character. there are just times that he tends to become lazy. but that’s because of how he grew up, i guess. he wasn’t exposed to work, and that is very understandable. my mom always tell me not to be lazy and to learn how to handle responsibilities. there are just certain things that i prioritized more and those things are, i assume, she prioritizes less.

in my observation, mine has an attitude that would say he has a mumbo-jumbo of priorities. he likes to do a lot of things which would lead to not finishing most of them as well. but i can see through his weakness and limitations and still, i love him despite those. within that love, there’s understanding, trust and acceptance. i understand that those are his attitudes; i trust that he can handle them well; i accept what he can’t and what he can handle.

i really do miss him. i love you cliff nygel. i wish you’d be here now.