constant complains.

it’s raining and i know that during this kind of weather, i would usually think about the “emo-ness” of life..i’m alone in my room listening to a love song that never will reflect my non-existent love life..this maybe the first time ever that i’m going to post this because out of nowhere, it just came to my mind..maybe because of the rain..

ever since a guy broke up with me, my so-called love-life took a whole 360 degree turn..for a moment there i couldn’t believe what was happening..i mean, all i ever asked for was for us to work out, and maybe, just maybe, we would end up together..but then something happened, and neither of us could avoid the possibility of breaking up..the difference was, i let him decide it..i never took ownership of the breaking up part because i know that i would regret it somehow..so, i let him do it..i waited for him to do it..eventually, he did..i can’t say that i was not hurt, or that i felt satisfied..i was really feeling a whole lot of different emotions during that time..it was like i was ready for it, but then i was not..i guess you can say that i was tired of always doing the things that would salvage the relationship that was why i gave up so easily..i was constantly “rebooting” my system..trying very hard to restart everything..but to no avail..i seem to change because of that..my family and closest friends could really attest to this..

after graduation, i tried my best to move on..i think i really did move on since the thought of him already left my head and my heart..i was ready to face the world again..i looked for a job, and thankfully i was accepted in the first company that i applied to..in this place, i learned a lot of things..i learned how to get drunk every friday night (and how getting drunk seems to make me forget about the bad things that happened), how to dance without being shy (believe me, you won’t see me dance often!) and how to hide the pain inside..i was with new people, new friends and new something..

in this new something, i met him..i considered him a friend at first..then a crush..then..i don’t know what we are now..that’s about it..i badly want to say that we are still friends, but it’s very unlikely..right now, as in, as i listen to the rain, i wished that that friday night did not happen because it was that night that i started liking him..never knew why..he made it all so easy for me to forget about the pain, but he was starting another pain in me as well..it seems so ironic..

right now, all i want is for us to become friends again..he does not know that i’m doing my very best to get this feeling out of my newly-scanned system! haha! and believe me, he is helping me do that by the most convenient way that he can- ignoring me..and that just sucks! because by ignoring me, it’s like he is ignoring what i considered was friendship between both of us..and it hurts..i just wish that he can help me in other ways..i just want us to be normal friends again, where we can exchange text messages and the likes..i just wish that he’ll let me get over him without him taking too drastic measures as ignoring me..

i don’t want another reset in my system..

(guess you all know what i’m talking about..or who..)